{on false starts and the shame of admission}

imageI read this article on false starts today. It rang true, and inspired me to renew my domain and write this blog post, which I almost didn’t publish because I didn’t have a good photo of my running shoes. Oh, the irony.

In 2015, I had a weight loss goal associated with my wedding. I carefully planned my weight loss so that I would achieve my goals by June 2016. I joined a gym and got a personal trainer and I enjoyed working out with my personal trainer, until she made a career change. Suddenly, my crutch was gone.

I had to realize that my gym was not healthy for me, or my finances. So I went through the painful and frustrating process of quitting that gym. Lesson learned: always check reviews from the Better Business Bureau before making any large financial decisions and examine the terms of contracts. This was a shameful experience for me, and I neglected my blog and weight loss goals because of that false start. Spending a ton of money had initially given me the feeling of wellness and progress, but it was draining me of joy.

My wedding was moved up to November 2015. I planned to get serious about a diet, but procrastination took over. I was nearly the heaviest I had been because of stress eating and a lack of exercise.

Another false start? I begged my husband for a German Shepherd mix puppy to be my running partner in February. I had to wait until sweet Buffy was old enough to take her on runs and walks, only to find that my exercise partner was more demotivated than I was in the July heat.

She loves children, and drags me to them, only to halt and sit so she can gently receive pats on her head. She’s afraid of sprinklers and bolted in front of me, tripping me. I ate the asphalt. Several times, she stopped completely and refused to budge. I had to carry her (30 lbs at the time) the last block of my run many, many times. She weighs 55 lbs now, and I can’t carry her anymore. She’s a sprinter. I’m trying to be a distance runner. We mostly play fetch now and I chase her around the house. Despite my initial disappointment about walks and runs, she’s still the best dog ever.

I realized that I wasn’t going to run alone in the dark and cold, so I joined my new (old) gym about a month ago. I even signed up for a crazy (free) half-marathon plan on Runkeeper. I’ve skipped many workouts because of Thanksgiving and a bad, hacking cough. But I am going back this week, because I still remember that rush I had sustained through my first full workout at my current gym. It is a completely different atmosphere and I’m happy to be back after four years.

Here’s to getting off to a really good start.


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